Evven.Carrion

Just a few thoughts…

Archive for the tag “self-worth”

Childish Surrender

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Hopefully I’m not alone when I say that I like to stay busy. I consider myself a detail-oriented person; I ask a lot of questions, I think about the ins & outs of events, and I (usually) do a lot of planning. Some would say that paying attention to detail is great because details are important, right?

Well, sometimes it takes away from the big picture. I’m not a big picture person because I’m wrapped up in the small stuff. When the big picture people start talking about big picture stuff, I’m say,”Wait, how’s that going to happen?” “Who is going to get us there to do that?” So I end up doing, doing, doing, and exhaust myself. I feel like I always have to be doing, never just let things happen, and be.

As a result, I’m always focused on the WHAT and never the WHY. This is ironic because when we’re young, we go through the “why” stage, asking “whhhhyyyy” about everything! What if we went back to our childlike mindset? Asking why things happen, having faith in things we don’t see, and believing answers we don’t really understand…?

Go back to being 5 years old. You were explorative, inquisitive, curious, but also faithful and trusting. You asked a lot of questions and believed the answers you were given. Is it possible to have that childlike spirit as an adult? In other words, is it possible to give up the control you insist on having all the time?

It’s hard being an adult! Life is heavy, and sometimes we just can’t carry it all on our own. We have responsibility and jobs and bills and relationships and consequences and meals and diets and STRESS. Yuk. Part of the reason we resist it is because we make the doing more important than being. It’s a cultural and human tendency to lose sight of the bigger picture.  We forget that we have the option to surrender. As a result, we lose faith.

Don’t lose faith. Everything happens for a reason, and all of us have a predestined plan that is already in place.  If we let things take course, sit back, relax, and believe that everything will be OK, imagine the peace we would feel.

I’ll be the first to admit that I can’t wrap my mind around this idea and relinquish control. Especially when ugly things happen, we go into fight mode and feel like the universal demons are out to get us. Well, good trumps evil. I love taking matters into my own hands and being the boss. Time and time again, I learn that it doesn’t make it any easier! I end up hurting myself more by ignoring God’s plan for me. It’s not easy, but keep your eye on the prize. Just BE. Have FAITHNo one said it would be easy…

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Extra Weight

A few weeks ago I met up with one of my longtime friends for a “gym date.” We usually meet to run or have lunch, so catching up and simultaneously lifting weights is nearly impossible. Catching up won, and we finally realized that we can’t meet at the gym if we never see each other! We got on the subject of eating/working out, the ups and downs we’ve both experienced in our self-image, and how we currently feel. Even at 30-ish years old (combined-obviously), the both of us can still chat for hours on the subject.

Most of us spend the majority of life working at a job and working at relationships. Each day we meet new people, maintain relationships that are already established, and connect with acquaintances. It’s not easy to keep up with all of them, in fact, some relationships end up falling short of quality attention. One relationship that commonly gets the short end of the stick is the one we have with ourselves.The friendship we foster with ourselves is just as important as any other. In fact, it may be the mostimportant. Here’s why: The tone we develop in our own heads may be the blueprint for the rest of our relationships. If we start allowing abuse, negativity, hatred, and criticism early on, how will we treat others? More so, how will we allow others to treat us?

I was extremely lucky to grow up where I did; in that small town, the future was as bright as the 1,ooo,ooo,ooo stars in the clear sky. We had great education, emphasized work ethic, and huge expectations for what was to come in life. Personally, I think I was so busy doing, doing, doing that I never stopped to think about much else. Somewhere along the line, I developed unattainable expectations for myself and it started to wear on me. If I wasn’t the best at everything, something was wrong with me. I took motivation to a whole new level, and never even realized what it was doing to my self pep-talks.

Overtime, all this does is chip away at our organicism, uniqueness, confidence, wholeness, and sturdiness as an individual. It’s almost as though we have this friendship/relationship with someone who constantly tears at us, and negatively influences the way we feel about ourselves, but we can’t end it! If we stick around long enough, we develop a sense of distorted comfort. Once we invest a certain amount of time in relationships, it’s almost worth it to stay…so we tell ourselves. It’s a good ol’ ball & chain.

Instead of being our own best friend, we’re our worst enemy. Who would’ve thought that your worst enemy is the closest person to you?  We believe things that aren’t true! We made them up in our heads, and they’re preventing us from living the life we saw when we were children. It’s simply a habit; believing negative thoughts about yourself, your ability, and your skill is reversible. We can replace a bad habit with a new habit through a conscious effort to flip every single negative self-comment.

Think about it…would you be friends with someone who didn’t build you up? Who made you doubt yourself and question your beauty, intellect, humor, wisdom, talent, and ability? Would you let your friends be friends with someone like that? Absolutely NOT! If you find yourself hearing a little voice in the back of your head bringing you down, allowing negativity, telling you to blend in instead of stand out, convincing you that you can’t be amazing-Break up with it. Shut it down. Don’t believe it! Replace it with a positive affirmation because THAT is the truth, and your true friend talking.

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Value: Revisited

Fall is my favorite time of year. Not only because of chilly mornings, warm afternoons, wood-burning stove, soup, and the changing of colors (just to name a few), but also because it’s a cue to the closing of another year. OK, and it’s also a sign that my birthday is fast approaching. Another year in the books.

One of the best things about growing up, well, getting older, is that we get to start making our own decisions. I realized in college that I had been ordering my eggs and steak the same way my parents had. Can you imagine, after 20-odd years that I finally recognized I hate eggs over-medium? It was unreal. And just for the record, I now like peas, brussel sprouts, and burnt popcorn. I can blame the late pea discovery on my dad and sister, and I’m sure there are very few kids who request a brussel sprout trial. Either way, these are just a few sound decisions I have made in my older years.

On a more serious note, we get to decide how we find and create ourselves. How does this even happen? I think it happens largely in how we spend our time and with who. Sometimes as children, we were forced to be around other kids that we didn’t really like. Maybe those kids were mean to us or to others, or maybe they caused us to get into trouble. Well, we’re still on a playground, except now it’s the whole world within the fence line.

Under no circumstance are you forced to keep people around that don’t help you be the best version of yourself that you can be. Are you surrounding yourself with people that leave you depleted and exhausted? If the answer is yes, then it might be time to ask for the check. These friendships/relationships are important, however, because they make us realize (hopefully) what is happening to our own self-value. Once we value ourselves, we choose others to be in our lives that increase the value and get rid of those who lessen it.

Everyone who walks into our lives has a purpose, but it’s up to us if they unpack their bag or simply pass through. If you’ve invited someone to unpack but you realize they’ve overstayed their welcome, it’s never too late to change your mind. Every decision at this point is in your possession. First, decide to place the highest value on yourself and what you have to offer the world. You’re a gem, and what you say, feel, think, do, and represent is a privilege for those around you. Choose wisely, for those who you spend the most time with are a reflection; they should feel honored.

Precious Cargo

I consider myself extremely lucky, and I probably don’t thank God enough for what and who he has blessed me with. There’s not very many people in the world who can count on both hands the people that would drop anything if needed, and I am one of those lucky ones. More importantly, the people closest to me are continuously teaching me something, and we are learning together. A topic that comes up quite often is that of physical appearance: weight, fitness, beauty, etc. The normalcy of this topic in everyday conversation is not what dawned on me, but the misplace of value at hand. The value is in the wrong spot.

My sister and I were recently in a daily chat, and “the scale” came up. It comes up quite often. She, among millions of other humans in the world, is a Scale Stepper. She gets on that thing everyday (errday). The problem is not that she is watching her weight, which is actually a very mindful activity for staying healthy. The problem is that one little number on the screen can determine her mood for whole day. Let’s explore this possible catastrophe.

Whether is conditioning, habit, media, society, or just control, there is an extremely high level of value placed on the number that people see on the scale. Obviously we face an obesity epidemic, which is not to be confused with this conversation. But even so, for those that are struggling with weight, it does not reflect the person that you are.  I’m talking about the value we place on tangible, material, superficial and unimportant facts that we let define us as people.

Unfortunately, most people do not value themselves. What’s even more unfortunate is how we usually are dishing out amazing advice to others about loving, befriending, and caring for themselves when we need to take the advice ourselves. If we valued ourselves as much as we value our most important people, then we wouldn’t fall into these viscous cycles of self-torment, self-loathing, and misplaced value, which just leads us into negative behavior.

Make it a priority to find value in who you are, not what you are. The type of friend you are, the special and unique talents that you have, the partner, parent, employee, and citizen all trump what you’re wearing and/or what you look like. Here’s a challenge: be nice to yourself! Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your best friend or sibling. Don’t allow yourself to beat your own self up over something that has nothing to do with how God made you. If you’re not happy with something, then allow yourself time to change it. Place value on yourself. 

How do you value yourself? How do you value the person that you are? More so, what do you focus on to define you? Think about it or write some things down that you value in life and in yourself. Don’t let shallow, empty valued variables steer your actions and self-worth. You’re more than that. You’re precious cargo.

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