Just a few thoughts…

Archive for the tag “Self-Help”

Childish Surrender


Hopefully I’m not alone when I say that I like to stay busy. I consider myself a detail-oriented person; I ask a lot of questions, I think about the ins & outs of events, and I (usually) do a lot of planning. Some would say that paying attention to detail is great because details are important, right?

Well, sometimes it takes away from the big picture. I’m not a big picture person because I’m wrapped up in the small stuff. When the big picture people start talking about big picture stuff, I’m say,”Wait, how’s that going to happen?” “Who is going to get us there to do that?” So I end up doing, doing, doing, and exhaust myself. I feel like I always have to be doing, never just let things happen, and be.

As a result, I’m always focused on the WHAT and never the WHY. This is ironic because when we’re young, we go through the “why” stage, asking “whhhhyyyy” about everything! What if we went back to our childlike mindset? Asking why things happen, having faith in things we don’t see, and believing answers we don’t really understand…?

Go back to being 5 years old. You were explorative, inquisitive, curious, but also faithful and trusting. You asked a lot of questions and believed the answers you were given. Is it possible to have that childlike spirit as an adult? In other words, is it possible to give up the control you insist on having all the time?

It’s hard being an adult! Life is heavy, and sometimes we just can’t carry it all on our own. We have responsibility and jobs and bills and relationships and consequences and meals and diets and STRESS. Yuk. Part of the reason we resist it is because we make the doing more important than being. It’s a cultural and human tendency to lose sight of the bigger picture.  We forget that we have the option to surrender. As a result, we lose faith.

Don’t lose faith. Everything happens for a reason, and all of us have a predestined plan that is already in place.  If we let things take course, sit back, relax, and believe that everything will be OK, imagine the peace we would feel.

I’ll be the first to admit that I can’t wrap my mind around this idea and relinquish control. Especially when ugly things happen, we go into fight mode and feel like the universal demons are out to get us. Well, good trumps evil. I love taking matters into my own hands and being the boss. Time and time again, I learn that it doesn’t make it any easier! I end up hurting myself more by ignoring God’s plan for me. It’s not easy, but keep your eye on the prize. Just BE. Have FAITHNo one said it would be easy…


Extra Weight

A few weeks ago I met up with one of my longtime friends for a “gym date.” We usually meet to run or have lunch, so catching up and simultaneously lifting weights is nearly impossible. Catching up won, and we finally realized that we can’t meet at the gym if we never see each other! We got on the subject of eating/working out, the ups and downs we’ve both experienced in our self-image, and how we currently feel. Even at 30-ish years old (combined-obviously), the both of us can still chat for hours on the subject.

Most of us spend the majority of life working at a job and working at relationships. Each day we meet new people, maintain relationships that are already established, and connect with acquaintances. It’s not easy to keep up with all of them, in fact, some relationships end up falling short of quality attention. One relationship that commonly gets the short end of the stick is the one we have with ourselves.The friendship we foster with ourselves is just as important as any other. In fact, it may be the mostimportant. Here’s why: The tone we develop in our own heads may be the blueprint for the rest of our relationships. If we start allowing abuse, negativity, hatred, and criticism early on, how will we treat others? More so, how will we allow others to treat us?

I was extremely lucky to grow up where I did; in that small town, the future was as bright as the 1,ooo,ooo,ooo stars in the clear sky. We had great education, emphasized work ethic, and huge expectations for what was to come in life. Personally, I think I was so busy doing, doing, doing that I never stopped to think about much else. Somewhere along the line, I developed unattainable expectations for myself and it started to wear on me. If I wasn’t the best at everything, something was wrong with me. I took motivation to a whole new level, and never even realized what it was doing to my self pep-talks.

Overtime, all this does is chip away at our organicism, uniqueness, confidence, wholeness, and sturdiness as an individual. It’s almost as though we have this friendship/relationship with someone who constantly tears at us, and negatively influences the way we feel about ourselves, but we can’t end it! If we stick around long enough, we develop a sense of distorted comfort. Once we invest a certain amount of time in relationships, it’s almost worth it to stay…so we tell ourselves. It’s a good ol’ ball & chain.

Instead of being our own best friend, we’re our worst enemy. Who would’ve thought that your worst enemy is the closest person to you?  We believe things that aren’t true! We made them up in our heads, and they’re preventing us from living the life we saw when we were children. It’s simply a habit; believing negative thoughts about yourself, your ability, and your skill is reversible. We can replace a bad habit with a new habit through a conscious effort to flip every single negative self-comment.

Think about it…would you be friends with someone who didn’t build you up? Who made you doubt yourself and question your beauty, intellect, humor, wisdom, talent, and ability? Would you let your friends be friends with someone like that? Absolutely NOT! If you find yourself hearing a little voice in the back of your head bringing you down, allowing negativity, telling you to blend in instead of stand out, convincing you that you can’t be amazing-Break up with it. Shut it down. Don’t believe it! Replace it with a positive affirmation because THAT is the truth, and your true friend talking.


A Full Plate


I love talking; shocking, I know. I also love to listen. One of my favorite things in life is to find myself hours later deep in conversation. It could be about anything, really, but my top favorites are personal growth, relationships, and food. I LOVE food. Those conversations, especially when you’re hungry, where you just sit and talk about how delicious food is? It makes me hungry just thinking about it. One day I’ll write about the decadency of cake….

We’re not going to talk about food today, even though we’re talking about having a full plate. By “full plate” I mean the idiom “my plate is full, I can’t take anything else on.” We naturally use this term for declining invitations because we are too busy. I would like you to think about it in a mental/emotional sense while reading this. Put your life on a plate, and see how it fractions out. Is your plate full of your food or others’?

My friend’s husband and I were talking awhile back, and he made a great point that stuck with me. We were talking about this crazy life, and he referred to having his wife, two kids, and not much room for anything else. Obviously he has relationships with friends, co-workers, and roles aside from being a husband/father. But what he chooses to nurture ultimately rests in his family and self.

I think that growing up is more than just getting older; it’s making a life of your own. It’s putting things on your plate that fill you, and require attention. There’s a difference between worrying about others, showing concern, and just talking about their lives…gossip; we all do it! When we spend too much time talking, we might not be proactively helping them, and we might also be ignoring our own helping on our plate.

You’ve reached the (young) age where your plate takes precedence, and if there’s room, fill it with YOU-grow, learn, reflect, dream, and inspire. We tend to get bored and settle on the topic of other people’s lives, which isn’t a crime, but isn’t character building for ourselves either. Also, we might let it take up some mental-rental space for free, which leaves room for comparisons, judgements, and then overdue necessary eviction notices!

Oh ya, always make room on your plate for cake.

Finding Your (My) Purpose: To Be Continued

No posts since October! Where does the time go? I think we can all agree that the holiday season gets downright ridiculously busy. November & December are basically gone before they even start. You’ll be happy to know, though, that I haven’t been ignoring my blog; I’ve just been very deep in thought about this post. Well, in between traveling, weddings, holidays, the flu (twice, I think), and a New Year.

I’ve been trying to figure out the most effective way to discuss “purpose” and I’ve written and re-written several times before finally realizing that maybe that’s the whole idea…to just throw some ideas around. I watched a video on http://www.positivelypositive.com a few months ago, and it resonated with me, so much that I haven’t been able to let it go. SO MUCH, that I haven’t really been able to write. I’ve been in my own head about what my purpose is to the point that no other topic has floated to the top of the blog pile.

The video by Brian Johnson discussed purpose in that it’s being the highest version of yourself possible. I literally stopped in my tracks and asked myself, “Are you being the best YOU that you’re capable of being?” The answer is no, which is why it’s January 22nd and I’m finally writing about it.

Needless to say, this topic had me wound up for a few months. After breathing into a brown paper bag to re-stabilize my breathing, I forgave myself for thinking I was perfect. What now after realizing this? Well, first I have to acknowledge the topic.  I got a little ahead of myself and forgot that the journey is what it’s all about; discovering our purpose is the whole idea. If we were born as the highest version of ourselves, then what? No falling down and getting back up? No drunken night stories to recite? I don’t know, but I have a feeling it’s all set up like this for a reason.

Spending time thinking about purpose has made me responsible for the areas of my life where I find excuses instead of rising to the occasion to be a higher version of myself. If we wait for the perfect time to better ourselves in our career, relationships, spirituality, or whatever, we may wake up one day and wonder where 40 years have gone…and we still feel like we haven’t shown the world who we really are. This includes making changes where necessary! You choose your path. You choose your time spent best.

There is only one you. You come with a very specific lineup of skills, personality, character, detail, description, and much much more. Sometimes those traits are suppressed for fear of judgement, or they may never even be tapped into. Are you capitalizing on the characteristics that make you the best you? If you’re waiting for the perfect day, that day is today. Today, be the highest YOU that you can imagine. Breathe. Believe me, it’s going to be great.



Humans hate change; whether it’s coin change or life change, we avoid it by nature. Quarters are legit, but we’d probably break a dollar before we took the time to fish for coins. The irony of this fact is that change is the only constant in life. Nothing is permanent but change.

It’s easy to get lost in the routine. Maybe you’re having the time of your life and you never want the experience to end. Or maybe it’s the worst time of your life, and you can’t imagine how you’re going to get out of the misery. I’ve had both-I have both.

What do you need? Is it the same thing you needed before? Have you changed possibly? It’s OK to have liked your job for a while, but now you want a new challenge. If we are constantly changing as people with what we want, need, desire, crave, then it’s only natural for relationships to possibly do that too. You owe it to yourself to ask YOU first what you’re needing. Take inventory of what’s going on inside…and be welcome to what you hear.

Relationships never end, but simply change. This is a biggy for me because it’s hard to not have my dad physically here for me to see. He’ll always be my dad, and I’ll always be able to talk to him, but it’s a hard concept to grasp that spiritually we’re in two different places right now. Our relationship wasn’t cut off when he passed away, its dynamics have just changed. Have you ever gone to pick up the phone to call someone and realized that they won’t be on the other end? It’s huge! This goes for past relationships, too. Even though you’re “ex’s,” your relationship has been established; even though you may not see or speak to your ex, that’s the current status of your relationship. It’s how we grow and change as people to move forward from what we may not need anymore. Don’t hang on to something or someone because you’re afraid of losing the feeling, or the person, or the connection. It will be there forever, just maybe showing itself differently.

If we look at life on a continuum of highs and lows, and constant change, then we won’t feel stuck or worried that this, right now, is forever. This too shall pass…even the best of times are bound the end-but they will come back again.

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