Evven.Carrion

Just a few thoughts…

Archive for the tag “self-esteem”

Childish Surrender

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Hopefully I’m not alone when I say that I like to stay busy. I consider myself a detail-oriented person; I ask a lot of questions, I think about the ins & outs of events, and I (usually) do a lot of planning. Some would say that paying attention to detail is great because details are important, right?

Well, sometimes it takes away from the big picture. I’m not a big picture person because I’m wrapped up in the small stuff. When the big picture people start talking about big picture stuff, I’m say,”Wait, how’s that going to happen?” “Who is going to get us there to do that?” So I end up doing, doing, doing, and exhaust myself. I feel like I always have to be doing, never just let things happen, and be.

As a result, I’m always focused on the WHAT and never the WHY. This is ironic because when we’re young, we go through the “why” stage, asking “whhhhyyyy” about everything! What if we went back to our childlike mindset? Asking why things happen, having faith in things we don’t see, and believing answers we don’t really understand…?

Go back to being 5 years old. You were explorative, inquisitive, curious, but also faithful and trusting. You asked a lot of questions and believed the answers you were given. Is it possible to have that childlike spirit as an adult? In other words, is it possible to give up the control you insist on having all the time?

It’s hard being an adult! Life is heavy, and sometimes we just can’t carry it all on our own. We have responsibility and jobs and bills and relationships and consequences and meals and diets and STRESS. Yuk. Part of the reason we resist it is because we make the doing more important than being. It’s a cultural and human tendency to lose sight of the bigger picture.  We forget that we have the option to surrender. As a result, we lose faith.

Don’t lose faith. Everything happens for a reason, and all of us have a predestined plan that is already in place.  If we let things take course, sit back, relax, and believe that everything will be OK, imagine the peace we would feel.

I’ll be the first to admit that I can’t wrap my mind around this idea and relinquish control. Especially when ugly things happen, we go into fight mode and feel like the universal demons are out to get us. Well, good trumps evil. I love taking matters into my own hands and being the boss. Time and time again, I learn that it doesn’t make it any easier! I end up hurting myself more by ignoring God’s plan for me. It’s not easy, but keep your eye on the prize. Just BE. Have FAITHNo one said it would be easy…

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Extra Weight

A few weeks ago I met up with one of my longtime friends for a “gym date.” We usually meet to run or have lunch, so catching up and simultaneously lifting weights is nearly impossible. Catching up won, and we finally realized that we can’t meet at the gym if we never see each other! We got on the subject of eating/working out, the ups and downs we’ve both experienced in our self-image, and how we currently feel. Even at 30-ish years old (combined-obviously), the both of us can still chat for hours on the subject.

Most of us spend the majority of life working at a job and working at relationships. Each day we meet new people, maintain relationships that are already established, and connect with acquaintances. It’s not easy to keep up with all of them, in fact, some relationships end up falling short of quality attention. One relationship that commonly gets the short end of the stick is the one we have with ourselves.The friendship we foster with ourselves is just as important as any other. In fact, it may be the mostimportant. Here’s why: The tone we develop in our own heads may be the blueprint for the rest of our relationships. If we start allowing abuse, negativity, hatred, and criticism early on, how will we treat others? More so, how will we allow others to treat us?

I was extremely lucky to grow up where I did; in that small town, the future was as bright as the 1,ooo,ooo,ooo stars in the clear sky. We had great education, emphasized work ethic, and huge expectations for what was to come in life. Personally, I think I was so busy doing, doing, doing that I never stopped to think about much else. Somewhere along the line, I developed unattainable expectations for myself and it started to wear on me. If I wasn’t the best at everything, something was wrong with me. I took motivation to a whole new level, and never even realized what it was doing to my self pep-talks.

Overtime, all this does is chip away at our organicism, uniqueness, confidence, wholeness, and sturdiness as an individual. It’s almost as though we have this friendship/relationship with someone who constantly tears at us, and negatively influences the way we feel about ourselves, but we can’t end it! If we stick around long enough, we develop a sense of distorted comfort. Once we invest a certain amount of time in relationships, it’s almost worth it to stay…so we tell ourselves. It’s a good ol’ ball & chain.

Instead of being our own best friend, we’re our worst enemy. Who would’ve thought that your worst enemy is the closest person to you?  We believe things that aren’t true! We made them up in our heads, and they’re preventing us from living the life we saw when we were children. It’s simply a habit; believing negative thoughts about yourself, your ability, and your skill is reversible. We can replace a bad habit with a new habit through a conscious effort to flip every single negative self-comment.

Think about it…would you be friends with someone who didn’t build you up? Who made you doubt yourself and question your beauty, intellect, humor, wisdom, talent, and ability? Would you let your friends be friends with someone like that? Absolutely NOT! If you find yourself hearing a little voice in the back of your head bringing you down, allowing negativity, telling you to blend in instead of stand out, convincing you that you can’t be amazing-Break up with it. Shut it down. Don’t believe it! Replace it with a positive affirmation because THAT is the truth, and your true friend talking.

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Confidence: Part II

Since I’ve already touched on confidence in a previous post, I’ll call this part II, even though part I is simply a quote. The quote says, “The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them.”  Think back to a decision you recently made. Did someone around you influence it? Was it a decision you thought you “should” make instead of what you whole-heartedly wanted to do? Think about your decision-making skills for a moment…

If your anything like me, part of you is somewhat of a people-pleaser; but not any kind of people-pleaser. You make decisions based on what you think others want you to do. Friends or family members aren’t even offering their opinion. They may be saying things like, “do what’s best for you,” or “it’s your life, not mine.” But due to faulty decision-making skills or poor patterns you’ve developed over the years, you have based your life partly on the approval of others. As a result, you subconsciously live based on you think others will approve of.

I have good news! Two things: First, most of the time, others don’t care what you do as long as you’re safe, happy, and healthy. Seriously, your friends and family aren’t putting ANY thought into your decisions because they’re busy making their own. What a relief, right? It’s you putting extra, unnecessary thought into this process because you’re lacking a very important ingredient, which brings up the next point. Second, confidence will solve this decision-making dilemma; it’s a game changer. This is the gold that backs up your decisions. Let’s talk about this for a sec.

This goes all the way back to Big Bird on Saturday mornings…be confident, be original, be yourself. Ok, but what does confidence look like in an average day? It looks like this-making decisions from your gut instinct and nowhere else and declaring it with pride. Don’t doubt yourself when you know more than anyone what’s best for you, so shout it to the rooftops if you have to. Who knows, it might not end like you envision or hope, but it’s all part of your journey! And your journey is a mystery to everyone…even you.

Make decisions knowing that you are the sole owner and ultimate judge. A rewarding life is that of lessons, growth, change, and reflection. Owning your decisions with confidence makes your life authentic. No explanations necessary.

Comparison is a Thief

Somewhere along the line, between second grade and adulthood, comparisons became subjective. We were comparing what the family was doing in photo A to photo B, and how many sides an octagon had to a pentagon. Now, we’re comparing our jobs, our income, our homes, and our whole lives. It’s inevitable for us to make comparisons in order to make better decisions, but it’s not inevitable for us to compare ourselves to others.

It started happening before we even knew it! When we were young, we watched television, listen to music, and read magazines that made us subconsciously compare ourselves to those characters. It’s wasn’t all negative; I loved thinking about how my life was like “Full House”! I mean, who didn’t secretly want to be one of the kids on “Kids, INC.”? Completely natural. I don’t want to get into marketing schemes and target audiences…but that was definitely a huge part of where this whole thing started.

That innocent, unconscious-subconscious has manifested itself into our society, full throttle. We not only compare ourselves to what we see on the cover of a magazine (which isn’t even real), but we compare ourselves to our neighbors. The latter is probably more of an issue. The term “Keeping up with the Jones’” has become keeping up with the Smiths, Fords, and every other name in the cul-de-sac. How can you live your own, unique, organic, original, one-of-a-kind life if you’re mimicking everything someone else does? There is only one YOU. God made only one you. No matter how much we try to act, be, portray, live, or follow the life of others, our spirit will seep through and we will still be original under the surface. So why not just shine? Why not simply fly your flag?

I love having Facebook. I think it’s great. BUT, be honest, do you sometimes look at others’ pages and wish you had something they had? I mean, it’s the foolproof way of stalking someone and not getting caught! The next time you catch yourself doing this, which I’m guilty of 100%, think about how you feel. Stop, take inventory, and think about if you feel good or bad. If you were your own best friend, would you allow your friend to feel bad about themself or their life? Absolutely not! The same goes for reading a magazine, or watching reality TV. Do it for enjoyment. Period. Quit denying yourself the opportunity to love your life because you’re caught up in what those around you are doing. What’s that saying by Regina Brett… “If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.”  You only have ONE life, and one body. It’s special and solely owned by YOU. Do yourself a solid and make it different than anyone else’s in the entire world.

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Confidence

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Leave Your Shoulds at the Door!

There’s someone very special that recently came into my life, and once a week, we have very a meaningful conversation. We really don’t have very much time to chat, so we squeeze a lot of information into a short amount of time. For sake of the story, let’s refer to this person as Jazz. Her name is Jazz.

Jazz and I talk a lot about what the word “should”. People throw “should” around like it’s already etched in stone what the guidelines are. I “should” do laundry; I “should” wash my car. What’s even worse are the “should not’s”. Here’s the perfect example: “I really “should not” be watching TV right now.” In other words, I’m tisk-tisking myself? How does that work? I thought I can make my own decisions?

The way that I envision what’s happening here is that we have developed an imaginary Rule Book that floats around with us. Think about all the decisions you beat yourself up over making. “I shouldn’t have eaten that piece of cake…” or “I should have spent more time working in the yard this week.”  Now you have to punish yourself even more by working out for an extra 30 minutes? That sounds awful! Who is actually telling you that you “should” do things?

Jazz says, “Don’t should all over yourself.” All this does is make us feel guilt, regret, and angst to make up for things we’ve done. It’s possible that having a piece of cake doesn’t make you feel very good afterwards. Take inventory of how you feel, log it in your brain, and move on. But no one else in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD cares about how many pieces of cake you eat.

Start making decisions based on what feels right. Take a second, turn off your head and heart, and listen to your gut. What does your gut tell you to do? Get rid of everyone else’s opinions, including your own! Your opinion is usually clouded by “shoulds” and advice you have seeked from others. Just because someone gave you their opinion does not mean they will judge you when you choose the opposite. I know we’re using cake as an example, but this could be much deeper.

What about when picking a partner? It’s common for people to say, “You should date so-and-so.” Or we tell ourselves, “I should like so-and-so because of A, B, and C reasons.” NO YOU SHOULDN’T! Don’t make decisions based on “shoulds”…all it will do is leave you resentful, lost, and mad at yourself. Find a quiet place, turn off the world, and listen to your inner voice from your gut. I’m a person who is extremely hard on myself in every aspect of life. I have trouble being nice to myself, and making friends with me. But Jazz’s advice has been extremely helpful. I catch myself using “should” when I’m talking, and it makes me stop and think, “Who says if I should or shouldn’t do this?” I’m the boss of me, and you’re the boss of you. That’s the way it IS.

Welcome!

Should I apologize in advance? I’m not quite sure what this blog will be about. I would say relationships because I LOVE talking about relationships.  But I also LOVE talking about how people tick, so maybe it’ll be about people. Then again, I LOVE talking about food, and makeup, and wine, and conflict…family, business, working out, coincidence, chance- LIFE!

Welcome to my blog. I love putting thoughts into words that may move others. How amazing is it when you read a sentence that makes you stop dead in your tracks? That’s what I want to do for you. I think that’s what I want to do in life. There are few things more rewarding then inspiring another human being. My favorite, though, is when I make someone’s wheels spin, or turn the light bulb on. We all have our own story; we carry around our experiences in our own suitcase, wagon, knapsack, satchel, or wallet (not me, that’s way too small. Even my smallest clutch is still pretty big!) I hope that you can take something from what I share here. If it’s simply a chuckle or an eye roll, at least I got a reaction. Remember…I’m just trying to move, shake, inspire any way that I can. Start something new today, even if it’s putting the left foot in the sock first instead of the right one.  Just do it.

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