Evven.Carrion

Just a few thoughts…

Archive for the month “June, 2012”

Comparison is a Thief

Somewhere along the line, between second grade and adulthood, comparisons became subjective. We were comparing what the family was doing in photo A to photo B, and how many sides an octagon had to a pentagon. Now, we’re comparing our jobs, our income, our homes, and our whole lives. It’s inevitable for us to make comparisons in order to make better decisions, but it’s not inevitable for us to compare ourselves to others.

It started happening before we even knew it! When we were young, we watched television, listen to music, and read magazines that made us subconsciously compare ourselves to those characters. It’s wasn’t all negative; I loved thinking about how my life was like “Full House”! I mean, who didn’t secretly want to be one of the kids on “Kids, INC.”? Completely natural. I don’t want to get into marketing schemes and target audiences…but that was definitely a huge part of where this whole thing started.

That innocent, unconscious-subconscious has manifested itself into our society, full throttle. We not only compare ourselves to what we see on the cover of a magazine (which isn’t even real), but we compare ourselves to our neighbors. The latter is probably more of an issue. The term “Keeping up with the Jones’” has become keeping up with the Smiths, Fords, and every other name in the cul-de-sac. How can you live your own, unique, organic, original, one-of-a-kind life if you’re mimicking everything someone else does? There is only one YOU. God made only one you. No matter how much we try to act, be, portray, live, or follow the life of others, our spirit will seep through and we will still be original under the surface. So why not just shine? Why not simply fly your flag?

I love having Facebook. I think it’s great. BUT, be honest, do you sometimes look at others’ pages and wish you had something they had? I mean, it’s the foolproof way of stalking someone and not getting caught! The next time you catch yourself doing this, which I’m guilty of 100%, think about how you feel. Stop, take inventory, and think about if you feel good or bad. If you were your own best friend, would you allow your friend to feel bad about themself or their life? Absolutely not! The same goes for reading a magazine, or watching reality TV. Do it for enjoyment. Period. Quit denying yourself the opportunity to love your life because you’re caught up in what those around you are doing. What’s that saying by Regina Brett… “If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.”  You only have ONE life, and one body. It’s special and solely owned by YOU. Do yourself a solid and make it different than anyone else’s in the entire world.

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Confidence

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Leave Your Shoulds at the Door!

There’s someone very special that recently came into my life, and once a week, we have very a meaningful conversation. We really don’t have very much time to chat, so we squeeze a lot of information into a short amount of time. For sake of the story, let’s refer to this person as Jazz. Her name is Jazz.

Jazz and I talk a lot about what the word “should”. People throw “should” around like it’s already etched in stone what the guidelines are. I “should” do laundry; I “should” wash my car. What’s even worse are the “should not’s”. Here’s the perfect example: “I really “should not” be watching TV right now.” In other words, I’m tisk-tisking myself? How does that work? I thought I can make my own decisions?

The way that I envision what’s happening here is that we have developed an imaginary Rule Book that floats around with us. Think about all the decisions you beat yourself up over making. “I shouldn’t have eaten that piece of cake…” or “I should have spent more time working in the yard this week.”  Now you have to punish yourself even more by working out for an extra 30 minutes? That sounds awful! Who is actually telling you that you “should” do things?

Jazz says, “Don’t should all over yourself.” All this does is make us feel guilt, regret, and angst to make up for things we’ve done. It’s possible that having a piece of cake doesn’t make you feel very good afterwards. Take inventory of how you feel, log it in your brain, and move on. But no one else in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD cares about how many pieces of cake you eat.

Start making decisions based on what feels right. Take a second, turn off your head and heart, and listen to your gut. What does your gut tell you to do? Get rid of everyone else’s opinions, including your own! Your opinion is usually clouded by “shoulds” and advice you have seeked from others. Just because someone gave you their opinion does not mean they will judge you when you choose the opposite. I know we’re using cake as an example, but this could be much deeper.

What about when picking a partner? It’s common for people to say, “You should date so-and-so.” Or we tell ourselves, “I should like so-and-so because of A, B, and C reasons.” NO YOU SHOULDN’T! Don’t make decisions based on “shoulds”…all it will do is leave you resentful, lost, and mad at yourself. Find a quiet place, turn off the world, and listen to your inner voice from your gut. I’m a person who is extremely hard on myself in every aspect of life. I have trouble being nice to myself, and making friends with me. But Jazz’s advice has been extremely helpful. I catch myself using “should” when I’m talking, and it makes me stop and think, “Who says if I should or shouldn’t do this?” I’m the boss of me, and you’re the boss of you. That’s the way it IS.

Welcome!

Should I apologize in advance? I’m not quite sure what this blog will be about. I would say relationships because I LOVE talking about relationships.  But I also LOVE talking about how people tick, so maybe it’ll be about people. Then again, I LOVE talking about food, and makeup, and wine, and conflict…family, business, working out, coincidence, chance- LIFE!

Welcome to my blog. I love putting thoughts into words that may move others. How amazing is it when you read a sentence that makes you stop dead in your tracks? That’s what I want to do for you. I think that’s what I want to do in life. There are few things more rewarding then inspiring another human being. My favorite, though, is when I make someone’s wheels spin, or turn the light bulb on. We all have our own story; we carry around our experiences in our own suitcase, wagon, knapsack, satchel, or wallet (not me, that’s way too small. Even my smallest clutch is still pretty big!) I hope that you can take something from what I share here. If it’s simply a chuckle or an eye roll, at least I got a reaction. Remember…I’m just trying to move, shake, inspire any way that I can. Start something new today, even if it’s putting the left foot in the sock first instead of the right one.  Just do it.

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